overwhelmed

i am a mere mortal, so minute in such an enormous universe of overwhelming magnitude, who is a precious child and cherished object of affection by Himself; my Lord, my Saviour, my Shepherd, my Creator. Oh, how He loves us!

i love the words to this song:
He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.



there are just sometimes when i stop and think about his love and how great it is for me that in my human mind there is no possible way to fathom it. since i dont think anyone reads my blog, i will be honest and not hold anything back. i dont understand that kind of love, for such a wretch that i am, and how sometimes i can be so critical or judgmental or insensitive or uncompassionate towards others who so desperately need that kind of love, even just a piece so that they can be pointed towards the Almighty who bestows that upon us, yet i'm afraid i fail. daily.
i've really been struggling figuring out how to live back in my hometown again. i guess partly because the last time i lived here i had my whole family here with me, and now so much has changed, and not a single sibling lives close by. and on top of all that, my dad has a girlfriend who he is always leaving to go see, and my mom has a boyfriend that she is with constantly, my youngest brother is married and lives in hawaii, and my middle brother is planning on proposing here in the next couple of weeks, and my sister has a boyfriend who she brought home last week... these aren't the reasons i want someone, and i'm not even desperately wanting someone, i mean i do, i dont know if that makes sense, i have been single for over two years, and i've loved it, and i love being single, but a huge parts of me desires to be married and maybe (only maybe) a little more settled down, but i just don't think that that is really me, i want to travel, and do missionary work and teach, and learn and do so many things, not that i dont want to get married, but i just want to do so many things, so i need someone who wants to do those same things, but i dont know where i am going to find that... and really, i think i just hate being the third wheel, not that i can't be, or whatever, i can, i just think that when i am with a sibling and their significant other i feel like they just forget that i am there with them, and i have to snap them back into reality. i guess one of the greatest things is the fact that i want kids, i want to have kids, i want to adopt kids, and i want to love on them and teach them and play with them, and yet, the thought also kind of terrifies me. i think it's so awful that there are so many babies aborted - which sidenote that's an awful word, but doesn't fit quite well enough - so back to what i was saying - so many babies murdered, slaughtered on a daily basis, and so many babies born into bad homes, and here there are so so sooo many awesome women desiring, and not just an "i'd like to have children" kind of desire, i mean a "gut-wrenching-heart-breaking desire" to raise Godly wonderful children, and i know there have to be some men out there who desire the same things, but where are they? i am sure they are wondering where all the Godly women are??? right? during the time i spent in Costa Rica i was praying for children, my children, and then i realized how incredibly important it is to have an amazing Godly husband to be an amazing Godly father, so i have been praying, and will continue to do so, because as much as i want children, i need a man first, and a Godly one at that.