vast and magnificent God.

We cannot grasp, in our flesh, how vast our God is. He knows us before He even creates us (Jeremiah 1). He knows every person He creates. Our finite minds cannot comprehend how intimate a Father can be with all of His children, yet He knows each one of us, because He created each of us, with the desires, the abilities, the features that we have. He even knows how many hairs are on each and every one of our heads - yet why and how can we doubt not only the Creator of the universe who keeps things going in all its beauty, but the Maker of each and every one of us, and who is so intimately connected with us individually to know the number of hairs on our heads? (A detail I doubt most of us think about - and it changes more than once in a day!)

The voice of the Lord is powerful and majestic

The voice of the Lord is powerful and majestic. - Ps 29:4
"The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars; yes, the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon." -Psalm 29:5
Cedars of Lebanon: this tree can grow up to 130ft tall and over 8ft in diameter.

Deuteronomy 8
The Lord humbles us and lets us be "hungry" so that we must trust that He will provide for us. We do not live by bread alone, but by what proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord. (The voice of the Lord is powerful and majestic).
We must beware, for when we have eaten and are satisfied, when things are going well, our hearts tend to become proud. He does these things so that we can never say that we have achieved all the wealth and glory for ourselves by ourselves, we have only been able to come this far because of Him and Him alone. (Deut. 8:17)
"Remember the Lord Your God. He is the one whoe give you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant He confirmed to your ancestors with an oath." -Deut. 8:18

silhouette

What is going on?
I don't feel like myself here
I can't control even my next breath
so why do I even try?
You have such an incredible plan that I can't even fathom

Strip me of my flesh
Unveil me
Let me be more than a mere
silhouette of who You are

I feel like I'm standing in a stagnant place
And I need Your help to move
I need humility and wisdom
And I need to trust You alone.
More than anything I need more of You

Strip me of my flesh
Unveil me
Let me be more than a mere
silhouette of who You are.

He goes before

There were two weeks where I really did not know if I could do this anymore. Every single day was a struggle. Every. Single. Day. But the last few days have been a world better. I can't even begin to explain. And I was able to go to church today. I went to Woodmen Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs, and the message was amazing. I would strongly suggest listening to it when it comes out: March 8th, Part 7 of Matt Heard's podcasts: http://www.woodmenvalley.org/index.cfm/PageID/218/cfid/9989947/cftoken/87036977/index.html

God has brought me here for SO many reasons. I know of only a couple, because I am not able to see the entire picture as I am here on this earth, but my only responsibility is this: to seek God with all of my heart. All of my heart, and I am not able to do that if my heart is divided. So, I am in the process of calling out some of the things that are dividing my heart. I don't want my heart to be divided.

I am reading "As Silver Refined" by Kay Arthur right now, and I can't even tell how the numerous times that I've picked up the book and it's been something that I have desperately needed to hear at that particular moment. This is a poem by an unknown author that she included in her book that I read the other day with tears streaming down my face:
Child of My love, fear not the unknown morrow.
Dread not the new demand life makes of thee;
Thine ignorance doth hold no cause for sorrow,
For what thou knowest not is known to Me.
Thou canst not see today the hidden meaning
Of My command, but thou the light shall gain.
Walk on in faith, upon My promise leaning,
And as thou goest, all shall be made plain.
One step thou seest: Then go forward boldly;
One step is far enough for faith to see.
Take that, and they next duty shall be told thee,
For step by step they God is leading thee.
Stand not in fear, thine adversaries counting;
Dare ever peril, save to disobey.
Thou shalt march on, each obstacle surmounting,
For I, the Strong, shall open up the way.
Therefore go gladly to the task assigned thee,
Having My promise; needing nothing more
Than just to know where'er the future find thee,
In all thy journeying ---I GO BEFORE.

I write this:
Strip away my flesh
take all my unrighteousness
make me more like You
Strip away this flesh
my Silversmith.

I had a flat tire after church, which I was not too thrilled about, let me just tell you! I changed it in a skirt and heels... so, I went to get it fixed, and they tell me that all my tires are in really bad shape, and they tell me the measurements and that I really should replace them all, and since I just got paid, I say ok, let's just get it over with. While I'm still talking with the guy, another guy brings out another one of my tires and says "By the way ma'am, you made a great choice. Look." And in the middle of the tread the tire is about to split in half. And they tell me that I definitely would not have liked the outcome of that. I will say this: I live about 9 miles down a dirt road right now and half of it is not even wide enough to pass another car on, and most of it is one side is the mountain going up and the other side is a terrible drop off. A flat tire saved me from the possibility of winding up off the side of the mountain...without cell service no less. And that is why I am genuinely saying right now: "Hallelujah, thank You Jesus, for a flat tire!"

Home

Home:
–noun
1.
a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.
2.
the place in which one's domestic affections are centered.
3.
an institution for the homeless, sick, etc.: a nursing home.
4.
the dwelling place or retreat of an animal.
5.
the place or region where something is native or most common.
6.
any place of residence or refuge: a heavenly home.
7.
a person's native place or own country.
8.
(in games) the destination or goal.
9.
a principal base of operations or activities

1 Peter 1:1 "...to God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout..."
we are pilgrims....... so where is my home? Currently I would have to say Colorado, but yet it doesn't feel like home to me, but it does not have to feel like it. God is sovereign, and He has a purpose for my being here right now, and whether or not I know what that reason is is beside the point.

a call to surrender

There's so much to say, yet I don't even know where to begin. I can barely believe that I drove 920 miles Monday and Tuesday and am now in Colorado where I will be for the next 10 months or so. It's so beautiful. Last night I unpacked my suitcases and, even though my room is still a little scattered, it's coming together nicely and will be a nice living arrangement for me. It's a 3 bedroom doublewide that I will be sharing with three other girls, but will have my own room for the spring and fall. I have gotten really good sleep the last few nights and am finally starting to feel like I'm at the very end of this cold that I've had for over a week now. Something that I'm learning is that God's timing is perfect, and that He is sovereign, and in complete control. I don't know why in my humanity I have such a hard time trusting my Savior, who came to conquer death for me. Why is it such a difficult thing to just surrender fully to Him? Especially if He is in control, and when I am not surrendering, I am not fully believing that He is who He said He is. He is calling me to surrender all to Him, and let Him be who He said He is, and who He came to be for me: my Savior.
I would love for my song everyday to be: All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him in His presence daily live. I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender, humbly at His feet I bow. Worldly pleasures all forsaken, take me Jesus, take me now. I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all.
But really, do I surrender ALL? And do I "freely" give all?

You are my Defender

Some words are just words to fill the silence, but these words I say to You - what can I say to express the depth of my pain? Bitterness has settled in, and my flesh is fighting You. Help me let go and give You control. You are my Defender and bigger than my past, greater than my future, stronger than my fears. I will hold on to You, Your hand is what sustains me . You are so sovereign over everything. What can I say? I have failed You over and over. You have never, not once failed me, yet why does my flesh still doubt? for You are my Defender and bigger than my past, greater than my future, stronger than my fears. I will hold on to You. Your hand is what sustains me. Your love is so amazing. I can't even know the depths here on this earth. Hold me in Your hands - I don't want to be anywhere else! You are my Defender and bigger than my past, greater than my future, stronger than my fears. I will hold on to You. Your hand is what sustains me.

what an amazing God i serve

i love how God lets us go through things, and puts people in our lives who have already been through the same type of experiences to help us through it, and then also, others go through the same things, and He puts us in their path.
honestly i'm just in awe of my Saviour right now... practically speechless. He is my Defender, my Redeemer, my Sustainer, my Glory.
"For Thou oh Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head." Psalm 3:3
Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!

a new year....a new blog

i am a little irritated that the blog that i kept while i was in Paraguay was hacked into and was forever dispersed into cyber-land... but that is alright. it's a new year, a new beginning, and a new blog.
i may not be able to see the step in front of me, but i'm holding onto the One who can.