pretty cool fact

The Red Sea:
Average Width: ~ 280 km (174.0 mi)
Average Depth: ~ 490 m (1,607.6 ft)
Maximum Depth: ~2,211 m (7,253.9 ft)

and the Israelites crossed this on dry ground. just think about that.

i feel at such a stand still at the moment. like life is just stuck, going by, but there are no readily open doors awaiting me, even though i may be knocking on several of them.
i focus a lot on the grace and love of God and oftentimes i am moved to tears because of this.
and within the same moment i could be utterly appalled at the thoughts that can cross my mind and the things that i have done that deserve such punishment, and rejection of being called His child, and yet, He chose me, His precious daughter, and not only that, continues to choose me and sing over me His love.
i am feeling so dull, just in a hard place, hard phase, hard stage. i doubt Him too much, yet He has never once failed me.

i prostrate myself before You
laying all of me at Your feet
i am so overwhelmed by Your love
astronomical grace blots out my stains
radical mercy repels my shame

You are my constant
unchanging, unfailing love
only found in You
You are my constant
when nothing else stands


something that God has really been showing me over and over and over again is how much He loves me and how i really honestly have no way to comprehend how much that is. there is way to measure the depth, the width, the height of how much He loves me, or any one of us for that matter. He is so beyond us.

Silliness

I say some of the most retarded things sometimes like:
"give me gas"
"it is ridiculous how many people have to take dumps today!"
in response to my brother asking "where did you park my truck?" I say "in the bank"
"overslepted" - yep definitely not a word!
Have you ever realized at some point while you were driving that you didn't know what you were listening to...because you were so deep in thought...yet what was I thinking so intently about?
Another thing...have you ever accidentally poured conditioner in your hand in the shower and then had to wash your hair with one hand all the while holding the conditioner in your other hand thinking how silly you are when you know that the shampoo container is always on the left it's not like that changed...so why?

overwhelmed

i am a mere mortal, so minute in such an enormous universe of overwhelming magnitude, who is a precious child and cherished object of affection by Himself; my Lord, my Saviour, my Shepherd, my Creator. Oh, how He loves us!

i love the words to this song:
He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.



there are just sometimes when i stop and think about his love and how great it is for me that in my human mind there is no possible way to fathom it. since i dont think anyone reads my blog, i will be honest and not hold anything back. i dont understand that kind of love, for such a wretch that i am, and how sometimes i can be so critical or judgmental or insensitive or uncompassionate towards others who so desperately need that kind of love, even just a piece so that they can be pointed towards the Almighty who bestows that upon us, yet i'm afraid i fail. daily.
i've really been struggling figuring out how to live back in my hometown again. i guess partly because the last time i lived here i had my whole family here with me, and now so much has changed, and not a single sibling lives close by. and on top of all that, my dad has a girlfriend who he is always leaving to go see, and my mom has a boyfriend that she is with constantly, my youngest brother is married and lives in hawaii, and my middle brother is planning on proposing here in the next couple of weeks, and my sister has a boyfriend who she brought home last week... these aren't the reasons i want someone, and i'm not even desperately wanting someone, i mean i do, i dont know if that makes sense, i have been single for over two years, and i've loved it, and i love being single, but a huge parts of me desires to be married and maybe (only maybe) a little more settled down, but i just don't think that that is really me, i want to travel, and do missionary work and teach, and learn and do so many things, not that i dont want to get married, but i just want to do so many things, so i need someone who wants to do those same things, but i dont know where i am going to find that... and really, i think i just hate being the third wheel, not that i can't be, or whatever, i can, i just think that when i am with a sibling and their significant other i feel like they just forget that i am there with them, and i have to snap them back into reality. i guess one of the greatest things is the fact that i want kids, i want to have kids, i want to adopt kids, and i want to love on them and teach them and play with them, and yet, the thought also kind of terrifies me. i think it's so awful that there are so many babies aborted - which sidenote that's an awful word, but doesn't fit quite well enough - so back to what i was saying - so many babies murdered, slaughtered on a daily basis, and so many babies born into bad homes, and here there are so so sooo many awesome women desiring, and not just an "i'd like to have children" kind of desire, i mean a "gut-wrenching-heart-breaking desire" to raise Godly wonderful children, and i know there have to be some men out there who desire the same things, but where are they? i am sure they are wondering where all the Godly women are??? right? during the time i spent in Costa Rica i was praying for children, my children, and then i realized how incredibly important it is to have an amazing Godly husband to be an amazing Godly father, so i have been praying, and will continue to do so, because as much as i want children, i need a man first, and a Godly one at that.

my thoughts

so this blog is partially to explain a little more as to why the quotes and verses and songs that have been themes for the past few months...entonces

"From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live." -Acts 17.26
this verse means a lot to me because God had planned that I was born and raised in Texas, and here in Costa Rica, learning Spanish i really want to have already learned it growing up, but God planned that i grew up in a state where i heard it occasionally at least and i think because of this i have a good background.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." -Hebrews 13.8
this verse is one of my favorites and something that i lean on all the time, because no matter how i am feeling, when the enemy, the world or my flesh, or they are all working together to discourage me, i know that my Savior never changes and that His love will never fail me. no importa que mis emociones cambian todo del tiempo, i know that this is true: Jesus never changes!

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." -Galatians 1.10
this one just speaks for itself, and is so incredibly convicting.

"Take my Life and Let it be Consecrated Lord to Thee"

Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my king.
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee.
Take my silver and my gold not a might would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as you choose.

::Chorus::
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for thee.

Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour at your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee,
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee.

Here am I, All of me.
Take my life, It's all for thee.
this song i just feel resonates with my heart every time i hear it, because i want that every moment of every day for the rest of my life to be completely abandoned to Him, all of me.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalm 139.14
i love reading this entire chapter on my birthday, it makes it that much more special for me.

and the rest of this blog will just be random thoughts, i guess.
i hate this crazy mix of emotions that i have right now of how i so really want to leave because i want to see my family and friends, but i dont want to leave because i love costa rica and i love learning Spanish, and i love the more simple life than the US

favorite holiday with a beautiful song

really appropriate for Easter! He is alive!


Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers Broken Heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

Search your heart you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

The Earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt The Fathers broken heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

(on the CD he says: IT DOESNT END THERE!)

Now, Jesus is alive

Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Oh, He is alive
He rose again

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

Come close listen to the story

goodbyes

i hate goodbyes. i hate them with a passion. last night was the last time i was going to see Carlos, Karina and their three girls while i am here, and right before i had to leave Kristell (4 yr old) and Keisy (6 yr old) and i were dancing around and being silly... and Kristell kept saying "bailamos!" and so we kept dancing. And then it was really time to go, and she jumped on my back and wrapped her arms around my neck and Carlos had to peel her off of me and she squeeled and started crying and it broke my heart.
there arent even words after that really, right? and then Carlos walks me to the busstop and tells me that i am forever part of their family and that i am very special to them and that they are going to always write me and pray for me.
i also hate crying, so when the tears started i just went away even faster so they didnt see me cry, i dont know why do i have such a hard time with crying? it is a normal thing right? heaven is going to be pretty amazing is all i have to say (Rev 21:4) "and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."
i love it.

i am a stubborn girl with a very patient God

a few themes from my journal over the past three months


"A soul is all the more dependent on grace the more it aspires to go onto perfection." -Brother Lawrence

"From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live." -Acts 17.26

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." -Hebrews 13.8

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." -Galatians 1.10

"On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." -1 Thessalonians 2.4

"Take my Life and Let it be Consecrated Lord to Thee"

Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my king.
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee.
Take my silver and my gold not a might would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as you choose.

::Chorus::
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for thee.

Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour at your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee,
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee.

Here am I, All of me.
Take my life, It's all for thee.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalm 139.14

"Your cross has spoken mercy over me" -one line of "Beautiful One" by Jeremy Camp

And this song that i have not heard in a very long time came to me today and it was as if God was really saying to me the words:

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

a patient God

i thought i had completely forgotten my password for my blog... and i think as it turned out that i actually forgot my username. and since this is also attached to an email where all of the songs that i have written are sent to (and i dont think i have copied elsewhere) i have been quite bummed about not being able to remember these things. so, what to do? by the way this was december when i couldnt remember. so, over two months later, i had the brilliant idea that i should pray about it. and really, not even an hour later, i was able to remember both!
i am currently in Costa Rica, and maybe someday i will fill you in on how exactly i got here, but it has been an incredibly challenging trip, yet also i have grown so much. this past week, i had been feeling very prompted to read back through my journal of the last few months and what i have been doing and praying about and all. i am almost done with it, but i see themes that run through the past three months of my life. themes that i will write about in another post. and so many times i didnt even realize that i was repeating the same thing over and over again just a few days apart from the other. i am just seeing through this that God is oh so very patient with me and my humanity, and just keeps on showing me the same over and over and over. ok... more later.

vast and magnificent God.

We cannot grasp, in our flesh, how vast our God is. He knows us before He even creates us (Jeremiah 1). He knows every person He creates. Our finite minds cannot comprehend how intimate a Father can be with all of His children, yet He knows each one of us, because He created each of us, with the desires, the abilities, the features that we have. He even knows how many hairs are on each and every one of our heads - yet why and how can we doubt not only the Creator of the universe who keeps things going in all its beauty, but the Maker of each and every one of us, and who is so intimately connected with us individually to know the number of hairs on our heads? (A detail I doubt most of us think about - and it changes more than once in a day!)

The voice of the Lord is powerful and majestic

The voice of the Lord is powerful and majestic. - Ps 29:4
"The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars; yes, the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon." -Psalm 29:5
Cedars of Lebanon: this tree can grow up to 130ft tall and over 8ft in diameter.

Deuteronomy 8
The Lord humbles us and lets us be "hungry" so that we must trust that He will provide for us. We do not live by bread alone, but by what proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord. (The voice of the Lord is powerful and majestic).
We must beware, for when we have eaten and are satisfied, when things are going well, our hearts tend to become proud. He does these things so that we can never say that we have achieved all the wealth and glory for ourselves by ourselves, we have only been able to come this far because of Him and Him alone. (Deut. 8:17)
"Remember the Lord Your God. He is the one whoe give you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant He confirmed to your ancestors with an oath." -Deut. 8:18

silhouette

What is going on?
I don't feel like myself here
I can't control even my next breath
so why do I even try?
You have such an incredible plan that I can't even fathom

Strip me of my flesh
Unveil me
Let me be more than a mere
silhouette of who You are

I feel like I'm standing in a stagnant place
And I need Your help to move
I need humility and wisdom
And I need to trust You alone.
More than anything I need more of You

Strip me of my flesh
Unveil me
Let me be more than a mere
silhouette of who You are.

He goes before

There were two weeks where I really did not know if I could do this anymore. Every single day was a struggle. Every. Single. Day. But the last few days have been a world better. I can't even begin to explain. And I was able to go to church today. I went to Woodmen Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs, and the message was amazing. I would strongly suggest listening to it when it comes out: March 8th, Part 7 of Matt Heard's podcasts: http://www.woodmenvalley.org/index.cfm/PageID/218/cfid/9989947/cftoken/87036977/index.html

God has brought me here for SO many reasons. I know of only a couple, because I am not able to see the entire picture as I am here on this earth, but my only responsibility is this: to seek God with all of my heart. All of my heart, and I am not able to do that if my heart is divided. So, I am in the process of calling out some of the things that are dividing my heart. I don't want my heart to be divided.

I am reading "As Silver Refined" by Kay Arthur right now, and I can't even tell how the numerous times that I've picked up the book and it's been something that I have desperately needed to hear at that particular moment. This is a poem by an unknown author that she included in her book that I read the other day with tears streaming down my face:
Child of My love, fear not the unknown morrow.
Dread not the new demand life makes of thee;
Thine ignorance doth hold no cause for sorrow,
For what thou knowest not is known to Me.
Thou canst not see today the hidden meaning
Of My command, but thou the light shall gain.
Walk on in faith, upon My promise leaning,
And as thou goest, all shall be made plain.
One step thou seest: Then go forward boldly;
One step is far enough for faith to see.
Take that, and they next duty shall be told thee,
For step by step they God is leading thee.
Stand not in fear, thine adversaries counting;
Dare ever peril, save to disobey.
Thou shalt march on, each obstacle surmounting,
For I, the Strong, shall open up the way.
Therefore go gladly to the task assigned thee,
Having My promise; needing nothing more
Than just to know where'er the future find thee,
In all thy journeying ---I GO BEFORE.

I write this:
Strip away my flesh
take all my unrighteousness
make me more like You
Strip away this flesh
my Silversmith.

I had a flat tire after church, which I was not too thrilled about, let me just tell you! I changed it in a skirt and heels... so, I went to get it fixed, and they tell me that all my tires are in really bad shape, and they tell me the measurements and that I really should replace them all, and since I just got paid, I say ok, let's just get it over with. While I'm still talking with the guy, another guy brings out another one of my tires and says "By the way ma'am, you made a great choice. Look." And in the middle of the tread the tire is about to split in half. And they tell me that I definitely would not have liked the outcome of that. I will say this: I live about 9 miles down a dirt road right now and half of it is not even wide enough to pass another car on, and most of it is one side is the mountain going up and the other side is a terrible drop off. A flat tire saved me from the possibility of winding up off the side of the mountain...without cell service no less. And that is why I am genuinely saying right now: "Hallelujah, thank You Jesus, for a flat tire!"

Home

Home:
–noun
1.
a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.
2.
the place in which one's domestic affections are centered.
3.
an institution for the homeless, sick, etc.: a nursing home.
4.
the dwelling place or retreat of an animal.
5.
the place or region where something is native or most common.
6.
any place of residence or refuge: a heavenly home.
7.
a person's native place or own country.
8.
(in games) the destination or goal.
9.
a principal base of operations or activities

1 Peter 1:1 "...to God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout..."
we are pilgrims....... so where is my home? Currently I would have to say Colorado, but yet it doesn't feel like home to me, but it does not have to feel like it. God is sovereign, and He has a purpose for my being here right now, and whether or not I know what that reason is is beside the point.

a call to surrender

There's so much to say, yet I don't even know where to begin. I can barely believe that I drove 920 miles Monday and Tuesday and am now in Colorado where I will be for the next 10 months or so. It's so beautiful. Last night I unpacked my suitcases and, even though my room is still a little scattered, it's coming together nicely and will be a nice living arrangement for me. It's a 3 bedroom doublewide that I will be sharing with three other girls, but will have my own room for the spring and fall. I have gotten really good sleep the last few nights and am finally starting to feel like I'm at the very end of this cold that I've had for over a week now. Something that I'm learning is that God's timing is perfect, and that He is sovereign, and in complete control. I don't know why in my humanity I have such a hard time trusting my Savior, who came to conquer death for me. Why is it such a difficult thing to just surrender fully to Him? Especially if He is in control, and when I am not surrendering, I am not fully believing that He is who He said He is. He is calling me to surrender all to Him, and let Him be who He said He is, and who He came to be for me: my Savior.
I would love for my song everyday to be: All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him in His presence daily live. I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender, humbly at His feet I bow. Worldly pleasures all forsaken, take me Jesus, take me now. I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all.
But really, do I surrender ALL? And do I "freely" give all?

You are my Defender

Some words are just words to fill the silence, but these words I say to You - what can I say to express the depth of my pain? Bitterness has settled in, and my flesh is fighting You. Help me let go and give You control. You are my Defender and bigger than my past, greater than my future, stronger than my fears. I will hold on to You, Your hand is what sustains me . You are so sovereign over everything. What can I say? I have failed You over and over. You have never, not once failed me, yet why does my flesh still doubt? for You are my Defender and bigger than my past, greater than my future, stronger than my fears. I will hold on to You. Your hand is what sustains me. Your love is so amazing. I can't even know the depths here on this earth. Hold me in Your hands - I don't want to be anywhere else! You are my Defender and bigger than my past, greater than my future, stronger than my fears. I will hold on to You. Your hand is what sustains me.

what an amazing God i serve

i love how God lets us go through things, and puts people in our lives who have already been through the same type of experiences to help us through it, and then also, others go through the same things, and He puts us in their path.
honestly i'm just in awe of my Saviour right now... practically speechless. He is my Defender, my Redeemer, my Sustainer, my Glory.
"For Thou oh Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head." Psalm 3:3
Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!

a new year....a new blog

i am a little irritated that the blog that i kept while i was in Paraguay was hacked into and was forever dispersed into cyber-land... but that is alright. it's a new year, a new beginning, and a new blog.
i may not be able to see the step in front of me, but i'm holding onto the One who can.